“Son, when it comes down to it, life is about God, family, friends, and memories.”
If I had a dollar for every time my dad made this statement, I’d be a rich man. As he and I talked about his impending death, I told him that they would form the outline for the funeral sermon he’d asked me to preach. He sought to order his life using these four priorities, in order. It’s impossible to sum up his life in a blog post, but I present these four priorities to grant you a glimpse into my father’s life.
God
Dad’s relationship with God, through Jesus Christ, is the most important relationship in his life. You’ll notice that I used the present tense to describe it. Because of his relationship with Jesus, Dad is more alive now than he ever was while living on this planet. Jesus defined eternal life, stating:
“And this is eternal life, that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent.” John 17:3 ESV
When Dad, at the age of sixteen, surrendered his life to Jesus as Lord and Savior, he began to experience eternal life by knowing God through Jesus Christ. Now, in Heaven, He is present with Jesus, experiencing life and joy unspeakable.
His desire in life, as an imperfect Christ follower being perfected, was to seek to follow Jesus and spread the gospel. Dad witnessed to the gospel and the love of Jesus through his actions and his sock ministry. Having grown up poor, he wanted to use his sock ministry to help people in similar situations. He worked through local churches to give needy people socks to keep their feet warm and healthy. He encouraged them to give the socks to folks bearing a smile and the good news of the gospel. God allowed Dad to distribute socks and the gospel to people in all 50 states and 37 countries worldwide.
Family
The unconditional love of Christ showed in how Dad loved his family. Mom and Dad exchanged vows on September 25, 1964. Less than a year later, he would deploy to Vietnam with the First Cavalry Division. He and Mom sought to love each other unconditionally. Their marriage spanned multiple duty locations during a 32-year active-duty career in the Army and another 30-year career in real estate.
Dad would call Mom up and sing her the Stevie Wonder song “I Just Called to Say I Love You.” Sometimes he changed the lyrics to describe to her his current status. Dad was also a jokester. When Mom was pregnant with my sister and window shopping near Fort Devens, she directed Dad’s attention to an item, only to find that he’d stopped walking with her and was a block behind her. She said, “Ray, come see what I’m looking at.” He replied, “Lady, I don’t know who you are, but a woman in your condition shouldn’t be trying to pick up GI’s on the street.” Needless to say, sometimes Dad tested Mom’s patience; however, they loved each other well to the end of his life.
Dad sought to love my sister and me well. He made every effort to be present at key events in our lives: sports games, concerts, graduations, promotions, etc.. When I became an officer in the United States Army, Dad pinned on my rank. Right before pinning on my butter bars, he said, “There are three things in my life I hate: mustard, pineapple, and second lieutenants.” The civilians in the audience were mortified, but all the military personnel cracked up.
Dad was always available to listen, encourage, and give advice. He would provide input on topics ranging from dating to taxes and real estate. Usually, he would listen and was hesitant to share his thoughts. When he gave feedback, he would usually say, “Have you prayed about it?” “Wait for God’s timing.” “Have you talked to Angela about it?” His listening ear allowed you to discuss a decision and move forward to the next step in the decision-making process.
He sought to love his wife, children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren unconditionally, reflecting the love of Jesus Christ.
Friends
Dad had friends from every social stratum. He treated four-star generals and privates with the same respect. He showed no favorites, nor did he try to use “friendships” to his own advantage.
Dad was a foxhole friend and battle buddy to numerous people. As a company first sergeant, he avoided giving young soldiers counseling statements or Article 15’s that would hurt their careers. Rather than doing this, he would say, “I had a dream that you painted every fire bucket on the base.” “I had a dream that you walked the entire perimeter of the post and logged every perimeter breach by human or animal.” He showed himself a friend to the soldiers, while at the same time upholding unit discipline and the chain of command.
Dad befriended numerous community leaders. He showed support to them and met with them for meals. There, he would discuss leadership and explore ways to serve them. Often, he would share the gospel in these conversations.
He was friends with the men in his Sunday School class. While visiting them after his death, they spoke of his humility and love for them. They also talked about how much they loved him. His love for Jesus made him a great foxhole friend to them and the other friends in his life.
Memories
Some people criticized Dad for spending money on his family rather than himself. He would reply, “I would rather invest in making memories than in a bunch of ‘stuff.'” He took the family on cruises, trips to Disney, vacations in Gatlinburg, and days fishing at numerous ponds.
I asked Dad, “If you could relive a day with us, what would it be?” He replied, “Fishing.” Dad enjoyed the relaxation of fishing. Being a Kentucky boy at heart, he preferred to fish with a cane pole. One day, fishing in my Papaw Sutton’s pond, Dad almost lost his pole. He was helping my cousin take a fish off her hook. To do so, he laid down his cane pole on the bank. A few minutes later, Dad got a bite on his cane pole. The fish was so big, it pulled the pole all the way under the water. Then, the fish came closer to the surface and dragged the pole in circles around the pond. The whole time, my Dad was pacing the bank, yelling, “Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!” We never let him live it down. Like his “Whoas” were going to get that pole back. It was hilarious.
Our trips to Gatlinburg were filled with memories of gem mining, whittling on the porch of the chalet, eating a Polish sausage sold by a street vendor, getting donuts at the Donut Friar, and savoring a cup of coffee at the chalet while taking in the mountain views. It was never about the place or the specific activities. It was always about building memories together as a family and thanking God for the blessing of being together.
My Goal
I pray that I will live and die as well as my Dad. I pray that I will live a life centered on Christ and advancing the gospel, that I will love my family and friends well, and build memories that outlast me, bless others, and point them to the goodness of God.
Dad’s life reminds me of the words of Paul:
For I am already being poured out as a drink offering, and the time of my departure has come. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Henceforth, there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award to me on that day, and not only to me but also to all who have loved his appearing. 2 Timothy 4:6-8 ESV
Dad, rest in the arms of Jesus. We will continue the fight. We have the watch.
